Question – My mother was single for years. She dated a few times, which I didn’t mind, but the relationships didn’t last. At the end of my high school years she finally found a man and their relationship has lasted.
It’s had its ups and downs and I always supported her because I wanted to make it work for her. And I grew to love this man as a father. He was married but when he divorced my problems started. Hugs became tighter and kisses lasted longer.
I didn’t think much about it until he found out I had a boyfriend and was very angry. He took me into the garden and told me I didn’t need a boyfriend – he was going to do to me what a boyfriend would do. He tried to kiss me with his tongue and undress me. I pushed him away, but he kept trying this for months.
I think I have put a stop to it – I can’t stay in the same room with him for too long. I try to act normally so no one notices but I’m struggling. My mother knows nothing of this – how do I tell her?
This man is traumatising you. He’s making you live in fear in your own home and that’s not right. What he has done to you is unacceptable. You need to think about what would happen if one day he tried again and succeeded in executing his perverted plan.
You need to tell your mother about this but you also need to tread carefully when you do so. As you say, she’s been alone for a long time and she feels she’s finally found someone to share her life with, so don’t be alarmed or hurt if at first she doesn’t want to believe you.
But that should not stop you from letting her know what’s been happening at home.
FRIEND JUST WANTS TO PARTY
My friend has split with his girlfriend of seven years. He’s heartbroken but won’t admit it. Instead he just wants to go out and party all the time. He says it’s his time to have fun but I know this isn’t really what he wants. And I worry about his health.
The problem is that when he wants to go out he always calls me. I don’t want to let him down but I’m in a relationship and I don’t want to risk that either. What can I do to help him?
Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you and it’s heartwarming that you care so much about him. Indeed, it sounds like you’re right – he’s hurting. He seems to be in denial about the reality that his longterm relationship has ended. Until he can acknowledge that the break up has hurt him he’ll continue to be in denial.
I suggest you talk to him about seeing a counsellor to deal with the break-up so he can begin to heal and start over. He just has to accept that it wasn’t meant to be and that he’ll find someone when the time is right. Keep being a good friend. – W24