“He is with me but is paying lobola for his baby mama”

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Question – I’m a 37-year-old lady and I’ve been in a relationship for two years. But my boyfriend recently told me he’s going to pay lobola for the mother of his son. I love him and never expected to marry him but this has come as a shock. He says he loves me but the situation is complicated – he can’t explain why he’s going to marry this other woman.

This has hurt me a lot. Now I’m not sure what to do. He says he wants us to stay together but I’m not sure it’s right to continue with him. Should I let him go or should I stay with him? Please help me.

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I’m  sure you know you’re worth more than being a side chick to a married man. If he loved you he would be marrying you, not the mother of his child. I wonder if there is a valid explanation for his complicated story – besides the fact that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He’s made his choice and it wasn’t you. He’s made plans for his future and didn’t include you. So why would you want to sell yourself short and agree to be the third wheel in his life?

He’s being selfish and you shouldn’t let him use you to fulfil his twisted dream. There’s nothing to stop you from ending things with him and going out to look for a man who’ll cherish and love you. Try to look at the positive side – at least he told you and you didn’t hear it through the grapevine or on his wedding day.

Now take yourself and run as far away from him as you can. Thank him for the courtesy of telling you and then look to new horizons – there are plenty of fish in the sea.



I had health problems and stopped drinking alcohol six months ago. Now my friends are making me feel bad – they say I’m boring and they feel bad when they’re out with me because I’m sober when they get drunk. Even my best friend says I make her feel bad.

I tried offering to buy them drinks even though I’m only drinking water or juice, but that hasn’t made things better. What can I do?


You must be commended for taking the right decision to look after your health. There are people who would love to be where you are right now, but it’s not an easy thing to do. It’s at times like these one has to really look at what is valuable in life.

If your friends really loved you and wanted the best for you, they’d be supporting you and looking out for you. True friends encourage one another to do what’s best for their health and their lives. Nowhere is it written you have to indulge in alcohol to have fun or be fun. You can have lots of good, clean fun without getting drunk.

It’s time to look at your companions and decide whether they’re still worth being called your friends. Your life and health are more important and the decisions you take should revolve around them and not be made to please anyone else. You have a strong will – keep it that way. – W24