Question: A miserable marriage
I’ve been married for over 20 years. It’s never been a great marriage but now I’m finding it hard to keep up the pretence. My adult kids can see how miserable I am. But I have no job and I always seem to come up with a reason not to leave. In the end I feel resentful towards my husband – not because he has done something wrong, but because I can’t find the courage to leave. I always seem to be blaming others and I have no energy. Please help me to make the right decision.
That’s a long time to be living an unfulfilling life in your marriage. You seem to have lost yourself during this time and are unable to imagine yourself outside that life, which is why you’re reluctant to leave and keep making excuses. The right decision is the one that will make you happy and feel alive again. It could involve either rekindling your marriage or leaving to start a new life. Follow your heart but take your mind with you. Get all the information you need about spousal maintenance after a divorce and take it from there.
Question: How do I leave him?
I’m 25 and have been in a relationship with a guy for three years. We fight all the time. Ever since the day we met we’ve had constant arguments, but we always manage to work things out. About a year ago I discovered he’s still dating his baby mama, and he’s been hiding everything from his parents. Every time I try to let go and leave him, he persuades me to stay. I love him but I know this isn’t good for me and I want to move on – I just don’t know how. Please help.
This sounds like a toxic relationship. You need to make a decision about whether you’re happy to allow him to continue manipulating you to stay with him while he’s busy with his baby mama. He seems to want to have his cake and eat it, so you’re the one who needs to make the move. I suggest you give him an ultimatum – tell him to choose who he wants in his life. If he says you, you must agree on clear expectations. If he chooses his baby mama, you’re still young and life still has plenty to offer you.
Question: I want him back
I’m a 30-year-old mother of three and I’ve been with the father of my kids for six years. We’ve had our fair share of hills to climb in this relationship – some of them were very hard to live with, so eventually I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke up with him thinking I could do this by myself but I’m not handling it well. I miss him so much and want him back, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same. He seldom takes my calls. When he does, he doesn’t talk much and says he’s busy. I know I hurt him when I left but I need him in my life, as do our kids. Am I wrong to want him back?
What you’re feeling is doubt about whether you made the right decision. If you made that decision rationally and thought things through, then with time you’ll be able to cope. Healing and moving on takes time. Ask yourself if you’ll be able to endure all the things that made you leave him in the first place if you got back together. I suggest you call LifeLine 0861-322-322 to talk to a counsellor. – w24