I’ve had my fair share of relationship drama. Many of the men I was involved with previously attached their identity to material accumulations and job titles.
Some would even insist on dropping me off at home after a date to impress me with their cars. When I started dating men who aren’t as financially stable, I realised they are authentic and confident in the deeper parts of who they are.
I’m an independent woman who has her own property, car, secure job and a lifestyle I can maintain. I date for a connection, growth and love.
Dating men who don’t depend on their money too much has made me realise how resourceful and creative they can be. They focus on showing love in other ways and create experiences for you.
When you have money, it’s so easy to get something expensive to apologise but when you don’t have money you are forced to take the time to think of gifts and ways to show affection.
The biggest lesson I learnt in my past relationships is that not all men’s masculinity is toxic – because when you are with someone who doesn’t value money over everything else, he in not fixated on being the ‘provider’ and using that to oppress and control you.
The fact that they’re not the providers in the relationship makes it easy for the relationship not to be governed by stereotypical gender roles. They also understand how critical small wins are.
I once dated a man who would disregard my work achievements, such as acing a presentation or getting a promotion because to him, these were minor. But I found that when I was with a man who was still building himself up, he could relate and understood how important it is to celebrate every victory.
He also understood the importance of hustling and putting your eggs in multiple baskets. I remember dating a man who didn’t know why I was working late at night when I could be going out to dinner with him. He didn’t understand how important my hustle is.
It might sound bizarre to many, and I get it, but most men start broke (except if they were born with a trust fund). Some are working towards being successful and haven’t received their breakthrough yet. Most won’t stay broke. They have potential, so I don’t mind a broke man as long as I’m happy and respected in my relationship.
What is your love story?
* Name changed to protect identity