In Zimbabwe we have a culture that tries to force all women to get married before the age of 25. If a woman gets to above 25 still single we make it seem like there is something wrong with her but today because of so many factors we are seeing women getting into their 30s and 40s still single . There is an illogical belief among our people that automatically condemns women that marry late .
We see them as promiscuous people ,you hear people saying things like ” where was she all along? , she must have been sleeping around ” but is this always the case ?
We are failing to move with time as a people . Let us look at the changes and different things that causes women to get to their 30s or 40s still single . Anesu passed her A level and she got a scholarship to go to UK. She left Zimbabwe when she was 19 turning 20 and she finished her 4 year degree when she was turning 25. The condition of her scholarship was that she was supposed to work there for at least 3years . This means she was going to turn 28 there .
She never wanted to marry a foreigner her dream was to come back to Zimbabwe and get married to a Zimbabwean . After her bonding period she returned to Zimbabwe when she was 29 turning 30. When she came back to Zimbabwe she had to start from scratch in terms of finding networks and friends . This made her turn 30 before she had anyone . Some men were just afraid of her calling her names like ” a foreigner ,Musalad and unapproachable ” . Many thought that she was too up there to marry . They were afraid of failing to maintain her standards .
Finally when she was 31 a well to do man approached her . They dated for two years and their relationship ended after her boyfriend cheated with someone . This took her to 34 and by the time she tried to recover from this painful experience she was already 36.
Now let us look at how our society looks at her . Some were saying that ” She has a spiritual husband that is why she cannot get married” This ground included her relatives who began to suggest that she needed to visit a certain sangoma who can give her some concoctions so she can be loved by men .
Another ground from church started suggesting that she needs to see prophet so and so . Some were now saying ” she must have been a player cheating with different men that is why she is still single ” . This ground avoided her and concluded that she can be a bad influence to them for there is no way she can be a good wife . So they see her as a terrible woman but no one has evidence to support this belief .
Now there are so many women like her that are finding themselves in their 30s and 40s still single and they go through all these persecutions and wrong conclusions. Let us face it ,education makes women get married late . In the past women were not allowed to go to school this is why they got married early .
Education makes a women get to 30 or 40 still single but our culture would want to find faults in that woman . We still force women to get married before the age of 25 yet we also expect them to attain the highest education in the land but how does that work ?
Our culture has to change and move with times . We put so much pressure on women when they turn 26 plus and we cause them to marry wrong men because all we want is for them to get married . Our culture looks down upon unmarried women . We always suspect them of doing something wrong . We seem to embrace those women who married early as if they are saints but most of them have their own flaws and the majority of them never pursued education . They simply chose to be house wives . These are women we want to be role models and we condemn those that are single even though they are doing great jobs for our country and for themselves .
A woman can be single in her 30s and 40s yet a good person . She can still have her morals in her 30s . She can still be a good wife in her 40s . We have to change our thinking . The way girls are passing school means many of them will still be single in their 30s and 40s so we need to start accepting this reality.
Love,Life and Relationships Coach Brian Matsaira
@brianmatsaira@gmail.com
