The thing about being single, in a relationship, or married, is that there are always going to be those thoughtless people who blurt out questions that are better left unasked.
The question you’re most likely to hear as a married couple is: So when are you having kids? But what if you don’t want any, or worse – what if you are struggling to conceive?
When the first kid comes, a few months later people soon start asking when you’re going to pop the next one? But what if you’ve decided one child is enough? There’ll also be people who question your birth choices, your parenting and offer heaps of unsolicited advice.
In a relationship?
Not quite married but happily coupled? The main question here is obviously the: “So when are you getting married?” one. Then there’s also the classic “but don’t you miss the single life?” – which, as a single person, I find offensive. If people are happy in their relationships then the obvious answer to that obnoxious question is that they wouldn’t be coupled-up in the first place.
And then, there are those who are single…
I’ve left this one for last because I think that in many ways the kind of questions asked here are the worst. There is this assumption that single people are failing at life, since the only way your existence can be validated is by having a partner who completes you.
You’re shamed for going out on your own, you can’t go to a wedding without being encouraged to join in on the bouquet toss and you constantly have to field a host of other ridiculous questions designed to make you feel like you’re not living a fulfilling life until you’re in a relationship.
In no particular order, these are some of the questions you should just stop asking altogether. (Unless you’re very close to the person in question.)
Why are you single?
People are on their own for many different reasons – and all of them have got nothing to do with you. It could be that this person has just gotten out of a relationship and is enjoying some quality “me time” or it could be that the person isn’t ready to start a relationship because he or she has come out of an abusive relationship.
Also, there are people who fall under the asexual and aromantic spectrum – and asking them could make them uncomfortable and make you look like a nosy jerk. Or it could be a number of other reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
The point is, you never know the reasons why someone doesn’t have a partner and unless someone volunteers the information, asking them for answers could make others feel bad and you feel (rightly) awkward.
You’re single because you’re too picky
Joking or not, implying that people should settle for anything that comes their way is a bullshit narrative that needs to stop.
I often find that people who ask this question are the same people who complain about divorce rates. Yet, in the same breath they think it’s okay to whine about how singletons are letting their lives pass them by because they’re too fussy.
Nope, we’re not fussy. We just don’t want to find ourselves in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship.
I have this friend you should totally meet…
Nope. Nope. Nope. It sounds like you’re trying to rescue me from something I don’t need to be saved from. Being single is not a disease that needs to be cured. Also, you’re kind of implying that I’m incapable of attracting men on my own, so I’m going to have to say a double no thank you to that.
If there is matchmaking to be done, it should be because I want it to, not because you think it would be best for me.
To be fair, I should add that this is more of a personal preference for me because I have social anxiety disorder (and meeting new people in situations that are set up are super tough for me), but I know there are some folk out there who wouldn’t mind being introduced to someone new.
Just make sure the person is okay with it first before you set anything up.
Why don’t you try Tinder?
Look, I know Tinder exists, okay? But I’m just going to point to you this post featured on Buzzfeed about the worst messages women have received, this feature on how Tinder dates think they can suddenly morph into hobosexuals, and this story about a woman who was scammed twice on Tinder, and well you can understand why many of us are downright frightened of it.
What worked for you, won’t necessarily work for someone else, so don’t tell people to do something that they might not be comfortable with.
What’s the most annoying question someone has asked you about being single?
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