Twenty-eight-year old Tammy has been seeing Tumi for nearly six years and they’ve been living together in a blissful situation for the last four. The couple share almost everything except one thing – Tumi’s financial situation.
According to Tammy, when Tumi first seemed secretive about his financial situation, she brushed it off because it was technically none of her business – that is until they moved in together and started sharing certain expenses such as rent and groceries.
While she admits that he hasn’t had trouble covering his share, his instance on secrecy makes her feel uncomfortable.
Rihanna thinks people set unrealistic expectations for their partners, and has urged people to “be fine” with the type of person they are dating rather than trying to change them.
Read about her situation below.
“Tumi and I have been dating since high school and have a pretty great relationship, except for one little thing – he’s always secretive about how much he makes, what his expenses are and basically anything financial.
The thing that annoys me the most about this is that I have been completely transparent about mine and have had no issues discussing my financial plans with him in detail.
I’ve asked him about it a couple of times now and he insists he’s just a private person and would like to keep it that way which I can honestly not argue with but it’s raised a lot of concerns about our future together as a couple.
We haven’t really discussed getting married in detail but it’s one of our end goals.
Personally I don’t see how I can be married to someone who insists on keeping their finances a secret. I’m not even sure how that would work since we would literally be dividing everything in half, or is that not his plan?
After speaking to my mom about this I’ve tried to stop over-thinking things but this has really been bothering me.
Should I be concerned about Tumi’s secrecy or should I just be minding my own business?”
We spoke to relationship expert Shanon Lee and she shared some helpful advice for Tumi and anyone in a similar situation.
Before we explore how best to respond, we share what you said about whether or not you thought it necessary for a couple to be transparent when it comes to their finances.
Read some of your responses below.
“Personally I wouldn’t share my finances, no matter how long we’ve been together”
“What if land up inheriting someone else’s debt?”
“Yes of course, especially after a long period of time”
Shanon Lee thinks it’s a good idea to speak to your partner about finances especially in a live-in situation. She says it keeps small fights from becoming big deals when each person in the relationship is informed about what goes for what.
“Speaking about your finances to your partner can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow. In fact most people feel comfortable doing anything but addressing finances in a relationship.
The reason for this being that there is sometimes a fear of judgement – feeling like your partner might judge your income or the way you handle your finances. For instance if they’ve accumulated a lot of debt or are unable to save.
There is also a trust factor. Perhaps your partner hasn’t reached a certain level of trust just yet.”
She advises Tammy to be patient with Tumi and to give him some time. She also suggests she explains to Tumi that his secrecy is making her feel uncomfortable and in turn will begin to affect their relationship in the long run.
She also suggests that Tammy speak about all of the benefits of being open about finances especially if the relationship has reached that level of seriousness.
“When a couple speak about their finances, they can unite to achieve certain goals together. For instance buying a house or a car together. If there is no transparency, these things will be much harder to achieve.” says Shanon.
Do you think it’s necessary for couples to share their financial situations with each other or not? – w24
