Married for three weeks, already contemplating divorce
Dear Tete Joyie;
I have been married for three weeks and I am already on the brink of divorce.
My wife and I dated for four years before tying the knot and things were mostly good.
We went on holiday every year, her family loves me and we both have kids from previous relationships who all get on well.
But just before the wedding, I was having doubts because we disagreed on everything – our religious beliefs, how to raise our kids and so on.
Then when we married last month it became apparent my friends didn’t think it was right.
For example, at our wedding rehearsal, it was complicated getting everybody in the right place, so her dad was trying to help and she yelled at him in front of the whole room.
Then on our wedding day we were taking pictures and had to be at the reception at a certain time, so I simply let her know we had to hurry.
She screamed at me in front of everyone, which was very embarrassing.
My sister stepped in and told her to apologise, which she did.
After the wedding we went to Italy for the honeymoon and I was very ill with a stomach bug, but all she cared about was going to the beach.
She couldn’t have cared less about me.
When we got back she took all the money that friends and relatives had given to us as gifts and said she was using it as a down payment on another house for herself!
The whole thing is a nightmare and she’s changed so much now the wedding is over.
She ignores my texts, gets mad and leaves the house for hours without telling me where she’s going. What can I do?
Tete Joyie says;
So once the ring was on her finger, the real person came out.
It sounds as if you feel you have made the biggest mistake of your life.
I know two different couples who dated for years, but when they got married they split within a year.
I think there is a danger of getting caught up in the whole wedding thing and you get to the point where you may have doubts but you can’t back out because everything is booked, planned and paid for.
So you end up walking down the aisle anyway.
I am not suggesting that you should file for divorce after only three weeks, but you need a serious conversation, particularly about her having this separate house which suggests she wants a separate life.
She takes you for granted so badly that she makes arrangements to buy or rent a new place without even consulting you.
She possibly feels she doesn’t have to.
You might need counselling to see if you can save the marriage.
I don’t think she knows how close you are to walking away, she needs to know that before you can progress.
***
Fiance fancies his friend’s wife?
Hi Tete Joyie
I have been with my fiancé for three years and we don’t live together as it is just not practical yet.
Anyway, out of the blue when we were talking about one of his friends, he made a comment about the friend’s wife, which startled me.
He said the friend’s wife was far too good for him!
I asked him to clarify what he meant and he said that she was a few years younger and he didn’t feel it was right.
I then asked him if he fancied her and he hesitated and said no.
I am furious with this comment and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Do you think I am just being jealous, stupid or am I right to want to knock him off and finish what we have for good.
I have never even seen what this woman looks like.
I am feeling sad and need some advice please.
Tete Joyie says;
Poor you my dear.
You have been badly affected by the sort of comments men tend to make when they are in a secure relationship.
We all know that men are different.
They do look at other women and think about all manner of things that they would be better keeping to themselves or sharing with some trusted mate.
They do look at other girls.
He is being a man and we all know they can say some stupid hurtful things, mostly unintentionally.
Also we all have a way of having a bit of a dig if we are upset by our partners or just in a bad mood, it makes us feel better!
He will know your insecurities and I will bet as soon as he saw your reaction to what he had said he regretted it instantly.
You can’t take words back, but you can elect not to continue being hurt by them.
This comment doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and you should not in any way think about ending your relationship because of this.
I don’t believe you should worry, and I don’t think you are being jealous – you are just hurt by imagining some thoughts he has had, which in my opinion are totally normal.
Now relax, get on with having fun and don’t let him or this silly business spoil things for you.
***
Is there still hope for re-union?
Dear Tete Joyie
I split up with my ex last year.
He dumped me, but still kept in touch via email and messenger until I decided not to contact him, thinking he would come back to me.
But then he met someone and has been with her for seven months now.
He has been in contact with me since they got together and still calls me ‘hun’ and puts kisses at the end of his texts and emails.
I still love him and I haven’t moved on.
I have been on dates, but there has never been any chemistry with anyone.
Will he ever come back?
He says he is not planning to move in with her or get married.
Tete Joyie says;
You are holding on for nothing.
He is either keeping you at arm’s length to keep his options open or he sees you just as a mate.
But the fact is he is with someone else right now, whether she turns out to be The One or not.
If you hear it has not worked out and you are not with someone else at that point, then get back in touch and see where you both stand.
But right now it is stopping you from moving on.
Don’t put your life on hold while he is happily carrying on with his.
