Is it love or trouble in paradise during this Lockdown?


Bee Talk! So the one thing the Lockdown has done is to get families, couples, housemates and roommates to spend a lot of time together.  Yes; you have no option than to be together in this period as we have all been urged to stay at home for our own safety. Where people used to wake up everyday and select suitable clothes to wear to the office; this is not the case anymore.  Where people used to go to their small businesses; it is not the case anymore as we grapple to protect our health and lives.

By Beatrice Tonhodzai

With this lockdown in Zimbabwe and beyond; couples have found themselves in forced baecations. Yes you and you and me now have more time with our significant others. Covid-19 has created that for us all. Yes couples have found themselves thrust together for weeks on end and in some instances even months (some countries effected lockdowns well before us.) Is that not beautiful though? Have couples not always complained that they do not get enough time to spend together and would love more time to bond and invest in each other?

Suddenly men and women found themselves with plenty of time to do just that; to spend time together with each other. It must be happy days surely? Or is it?

In this disruptive world where everybody seemed to have become too busy; avoidance had become a way of life with some partners only seeing each other a few hours as work pressures and life took over. Some could be heard mourning about not spending enough time with their partners and families because of pressure. But not anymore. Time is what is now there in abundance.

Spouses/partners, lovers, baes (whichever term applies in your situation) now have more than enough time to be together. Even if one is working from home; they are there to eat meals with the family and basically spare time to bond with their significant other. Even those who may be separated by geography also have more than enough time to spend talking to each other and basically just sharing in each other’s lives virtually.

Sounds like good news; does it not?

Now couples can have those heart to heart conversations; work out together, pray together, rediscover each other and just love each other isn’t it? I have heard stories of men who are now doing pedicures and manicures for their partners because there are no longer salon visits as people heed calls to stay home and be safe. I found it cute when a couple I know was sharing about how the husband has had to become the barber cutting his wife’s hair as and when she needs a haircut.

The women are also doing the same; throwing in massages for their men and basically just showing them some Tender Loving Care. Many men were sharing on my Twitter handles about how they have discovered their love for cooking and have been spending a lot of time on the stove sampling all sorts of dishes. Couples are partaking of Holy Communion together and doing Bible study together; gardening and many other activities. Those who are separated by distance have also learnt to utilize technology to their best advantage; ensuring they keep in touch throughout the day and do things together virtually as they also find themselves locked down; albeit in different countries, towns and cities.

This is blissful and surely things will never be the same again.    Surely now we know that some of the things we were doing and prioritizing did not need to take us away from our partners, home and family as long as we allowed. Now we know better that things can be done smarter do we not?

But there is a downside to it as well. Apparently it is not everyone who sees the hidden blessing in this forced lockdown for their relationships; some of which were becoming strained by so called hectic schedules and pressures. For some; going to the office, industry, streets or wherever else one hustled from before covid-19 had also become a form of escape. Yes they could escape from the toxic and ailing relationship they knew they had. They just came home to sleep.

We have heard reports of increasing divorces and domestic from China and Europe where the pandemic hit first and hit really hard. Even in South Africa I have already heard of reports of domestic violence since the lockdown.  Some folks are driving each other up the wall in their homes. And contrary to common belief that only women suffer abuse in the home; a lot of men have been speaking out about what they are going through too.

Covid-19 seems to be bringing out the worst in some relationships. Maybe it’s the strain and anxiety we are all dealing with as individuals; which is causing some to snap. It’s stressful enough; what’s happening around us as people fall sick and die and we all become fearful; that we really need positive energy around us.

But if you never cultivated that energy and space can you expect it now? This is showing some people all that is wrong in their relationships. While some are straining due to the anxiety of providing; of being safe among others; some are realizing that they they have been living with horrible men and women all along. While they could stomach it when they spent most of their time out of the home; they cannot stand it anymore.

Imagine as we pray for an end to this pandemic with our lives intact; some just want it to end so they can finally divorce or leave a partner they now realize is not the right one for them. Yes; I am hearing such tales, unfortunately. It takes disasters like this for some to realize that life is short and the worst thing is to just exist through it. Is that not so sad? That some people have just been hanging in in misery only for them to realize how miserable they have been now. Some also neglected their partners and relationships as they rode the corporate gravy train but now they are back at home realizing that all those things they chased can just go like that.

It is reality. However while others are in lockdown misery just hating each other silently; I worry about those who are now abusing each other. Abuse takes many forms. While we note the common physical abuse where one gets beaten, which seems to be affecting more women than men; there is also a lot of verbal and emotional abuse going on and men seem to be bearing the brunt of this.

I pray that as we all face each other in this painful season we can begin to have some introspection and honest conversations. Oh that we may see more relationships and families working their way through their issues in this downtime. I pray that we have more couples working their way through it than fighting or deciding to quit. However if it truly is not working and had to take Covid-19 to show you that fact; then maybe there is a silver lining for you in all this.

I write today to urge us to thick twice, step back , weigh and count our blessings.  Love and light. Here is to love and not war. – This was first published here by the H-Metro